Livemocha - How to woo your intended one... language, that is

How to woo your intended one… language, that is

Posted by Kelly Doscher on October 17, 2012

Sometimes the approach you take to learning a language is more important that the coursework itself. If you consider it a burdensome chore, you will undoubtedly drudge through your studies with disdain and dread. If you take it on as a challenge, you may be disappointed when your intentions of conquering a language slip back with your frustrations. But if you look at learning a language as if you were wooing a lover, you might just find yourself in a comfortable dance that will lead you down the road to success and happiness.

If courtship were ever a practical exercise, this would be it. Contributing writer Siôn Owen breaks down the idea of changing your perspective when considering, selecting, and committing to a new language.

by Siôn Owen

Languages are for Lovers

My last post about how to have a language intervention got me thinking more and more about the close ties between language learning and daily life. So often a language is taught as purely an academic subject, with boring grammar drills and vocabulary lists that go on for miles. It’s no surprise I stopped taking French in high school. I loved the language and had chosen it carefully, but I wasn’t encouraged to embrace it as part of my daily routine. Instead, I was encouraged to study a chapter for a test, which made me grow to dislike what I once had loved. It’s important to take control of how you learn a language, from start to finish. Learning a language should be a fun, social experience that brings happiness and fulfillment to your life. In that sense, learning a language is like a relationship.

The dating phase

Once you’ve made the decision to learn a language, take some time to explore and figure out which one is best for you. Watch a few movies in the languages you’re considering, or listen online to a radio show from each country. When you’re dating, someone may look good on the outside, but until you spend more time with the person you don’t really know if they’re a good fit for you and your personality. Flirt with a few different languages before jumping into a relationship with just one. And don’t worry, it’s not considered cheating.

Getting serious

So you’ve played the field and have a good feel for several languages that interest you. Great, now the next step is simple: Pick the language that gives you butterflies in your stomach. Or, to put it another way, choose the language that speaks to you the most (no pun intended). Relationships that are based on practicality or convenience rarely materialize into something special (for example, pairing up with someone just because they have a lot of money). Love has a mind of its own, and it usually isn’t based on common sense. You’re going to be with your language for a while, and things won’t always be easy, so follow your heart when settling down. Your learning process will be infinitely more enjoyable if you do.

Marriage

This stage marks success. You’ve chosen your language wisely, committed yourself to it, and are now pretty much fluent. Congratulations! When you get married you know almost everything about the person (or at least we’d like to think so), and are very comfortable in his or her presence. However, with comfort comes laziness. Stay on top of your game and don’t be the person who spends the rest of their life in sweatpants once the honeymoon’s over. From a language perspective, be careful not to get too complacent because languages, like birthdays and anniversaries, have that annoying tendency to hide from your memory when too much time elapses between uses. If you put 100% in, you’ll get 100% out.

Separation

Well, that was fun, but as they say – stuff happens. Over time you might lose your affection for a language, or you may just get exposed to other (sexier) languages that attract more and more of your attention. I’m going to repeat what I said in the opening paragraph: Learning a language should be a fun, social experience that brings happiness and fulfillment to your life. If it’s not, it’s time to move on. Happiness is paramount, in love and linguistics.

In summary, treat your language as you would a lover, and your learning process as you would a relationship. Take control of your decisions, follow your heart, give it 100%, and don’t be afraid to move on if it doesn’t work out. There are plenty more language books out there to curl up with on a cold winter’s night.

Siôn Owen is a Livemocha contributing author and Earth’s biggest fan of curry and Caribbean food. He’s learning Portuguese, and also loves helping people learn English on his Facebook page, Smash English. Siôn lives in Chicago, USA.

Jálisson

Excelente! I liked your text. It is pure true. Congratulations.
Switzerland

Great read! Strange that I stumbled across your article. I’m going through a break up and I felt a bit down (which is normal after a break up) and read your article. It’s really encouraging, simple text, I like the comparison you make with the language and love. I simply love the last paragraph! Feel so much better already.
Clairsvet

Fun, fun… Is studying maths or learning to drive is always fun, or it needs consistent effort and some brainwork too? And having a happy family life appears to be the hardrest job ever. However, it’s up to you which to choose -- the service of numerous ‘call-girls’, where each new ‘dolly’ will probably be prettier and sweetier than the previous one, and have sheer endless fun, or you’d prefer serious relationship, which you both have to work hard on to keep it going throughout your life. Given that you feel so comfortable that you start being lazy, your ‘best-beloved’ may as well start looking at some other object, but not you. So, if you’re wooing somebody in order to ‘tie the knot’ later, you should be prepared to put up with doing lots of mundane chores, having rows and making up with each other, unless you want to fall out and split up in the end.
One the other hand, working hard towards mutual happiness, one day you might find out that there’s such a treasure beside you that you’re the luckiest person in the world to have discovered such wealth! Just take some trouble to explore this ‘wonder’ and you’ll be rewarded! In this case, you will probably have to sweat for your successful marriage as long as you want it to work smoothly for both of you.
The same is with the language that fascinates you. What is you ultimate objective here? Just a few every-day exchanges, enough to make yourself understood and keep informed (like having several thrilling roller-coaster nights with a ‘sophisticated lady’, who will do everything herself; you just have to relax and have the best excitement ever), -- it may be excellent fun and pleasure. But if the purpose is to ‘accomplish the majesty and the grandeur’ of the desired language (like ‘conquering’ the heart of the best woman on earth for you), I’m afraid, no matter how smart and complacent you may be, you’ll have to beaver away quite a lot over it!
To sum up, we really ought to think wisely which to choose -- short-time pure fun (but mind, that frequent love affairs can bring about acquired diseases, some of which may even lead to a lethal end), or some fun and lot of hard work, which is going to result in genuine sheer domestic happiness and comfort for the rest of your life. And there’s no contradiction in sayng that some not really serious ‘playing around’ with another ‘gal’ or ‘pal’ (or also language) could put both loving-each-other spouses on the alert, prevent them from being lazy, and make them start working even harder so as not to put an end to their happy marriage and lose each other for ever. Such damage is sometimes irreparable and you might eventually realise that the great elation you have always experienced, being with your former wife, definitely outbalances all that euphoria of repeated and short-term amourettes you’re so much after. But your regrets may be vain and too late. You’ll never win your ex-wife’s heart back. What’s left? Just bitter remorse that you were not that committed and devoted to your beloved (woman or language).
So. perhaps, it all is worth effort and not just fun?
http://www.facebook.com/baseemah.kristal Baseemah Bassi Kristal

Thank you so much. I’ve been feeling discouraged about my (lack of) progress in learning a language that I must learn. Since I’ve moved to another country to be with a loved one, I’ve got to learn it but find little joy in the constant studying of grammer books, vocab lists and seemingly endless times I have to search my dictionary. The pages are already getting worn and I’ve only been here 3 weeks! Normally I love studying languages, I speak several. It’s just that this time it’s more a necessary burden rather than a language I have chosen to learn for the love of it. I’m not exactly sure how to get past these feelings so that I can enjoy the language and like living here. I have signed up for a meet up group that helps those learning, and I think that will be a good experience for me. I’ll meet new people, get to practice conversing and overall have a nice evening while doing so. I’m going to work to find the fun in learning this language, rather than drudging along feeling like it’s hopeless and something I don’t feel up to the effort fluency requires.

Any tips fellow Livemocha learners can give??
Guest

Thank you so much. I’ve been feeling discouraged about my (lack of) progress in learning a language that I must learn. Since I’ve moved to another country to be with a loved one, I’ve got to learn it but find little joy in the constant studying of grammer books, vocab lists and seemingly endless times I have to search my dictionary. The pages are already getting worn and I’ve only been here 3 weeks! Normally I love studying languages, I speak several. It’s just that this time it’s more a necessary burden rather than a language I have chosen to learn for the love of it. I’m not exactly sure how to get past these feelings so that I can enjoy the language and like living here. I have signed up for a meet up group that helps those learning, and I think that will be a good experience for me. I’ll meet new people, get to practice conversing and overall have a nice evening while doing so. I’m going to work to find the fun in learning this language, rather than drudging along feeling like it’s hopeless and something I don’t feel up to
hyeon_mu

I really like your idea. Thanls for sharing.
Maria

Very inspiring, I completely agree
Rena

I liked it very much! This is true! Congratulations!
Dayane

Wow this text is awesome. It made me think about my relationship with English. We are married and I’m too lazy but I’ll change it because I still love this language haha. Congrats Siôn, as always, you deserve it

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